Seek, Find, Release

Sometimes I consider myself lucky. It doesn't happen often because I am the melancholic type. I find sadness wherever I look and I like to bathe in that strong condition of consciousness. The negative seems to be more apparent to me, because it forces me to slow down. In contrast, the positive seems to pass me by. (Although I know it is just a matter of practice to be able to celebrate either end of the spectrum of feeling, I have always seemed to be able to be more reflective when I am not happy. And my plan to write – even when I am happy – is being implemented by me on a step-by-step basis.) 

So today, I felt like Christmas. Yes, I received material gifts, but they represented the genuine thought someone had for me. It lit up my heart. I decided to hold on to the warmth and continue to ride on it. It encouraged me to dig inside for something that had seemed to take my air for some time.

I recognized an emotion that I had tried to suppress, and by raising my awareness, I was able to release it. (And that was triggered by a meditation-like-experience caused by a good advice of a decent person.) There it was pouring out of me in pain. Holding on seemed easier, because I did not want to be pushed down or grant myself to have it, not realizing that that created more pressure and weight that had indeed dragged me down for a significant amount of time. Sending it out made me realize one thing: This was the first step to acceptance. And acceptance is what one needs to find peace. And peace is what we all long for. It is what I desire. 

And another day passes, and it seems like I will not have to battle inside for having sadness, but accept it, release, and let go.