Monday, December 14, 2009

Conversation of a Person Within Ones Mind on a Vicissitudinous day in Mid-August


Dolores (She) consists of 3 components:

Ego (das Ich), female;

Super Ego (das Über Ich), 50% male/50%female;

Id (das Es), mostly female



Ego tries to balance the Id and Super Ego;

Super Ego is the ultimate decision maker the moral component; tries to blame the Id for everything and often makes it believe it is nothing;

Id is impulsive, child-like, seeks for ultimate gratification at any given time, not considering any consequences at all.


TUESDAY


Dolores is on the phone with her boyfriend who happens to be 3738 miles away, which equals 6015 kilometers, and puts them literal 6 hours apart. They have been on the phone for precisely 1:12 hrs. No one has said much, she just happens to be so tired from a 12 hour day of work.


Id: (I need a hug. I want you to lie next to me.)

Super Ego: (What the fuck. I don’t wanna talk right now. I’m tired. What am I supposed to tell you what you don’t already know. I can’t handle this situation anymore.)

Ego: (I wish I would have the right words to say, but I don’t. Why are you so far way. I miss you. I’m so fucking stupid. Why am I so frustrated?)

She: (says nothing, absolutely nothing)


Super Ego: (Man, I’m fucking tired and I just want to go to sleep.)

Id: (I think it is better if I get some rest now.)

Ego: (I want a cigarette right now.)

She: I think I am going to sleep now.


He: Ok, good night.


She: Night.


He: Love you.


She: Love you too. Bye.


He: Bye bye.


Super Ego: (What a stupid, nonsense, non-gratifying, non-conversation again. You are always failing at expressing your real feelings.)

Id: (I’m a failure.)


She turns off her bed light at exactly 2:56 to be woken up by her alarm at 9 am. Exact 30 minutes early so she can hit the snooze button three times. Even then, she is an hour early. But she needs some extra time in the morning for her coffee and breakfast that usually consists of two pieces of toasted bread, and of course some coffee (usually one or two cups). The coffee is also good to make her use the bathroom before she leaves the house.


WEDNESDAY


10:20 am

Dolores wakes up and turns on her computer. As always, her computer it is being slow, which means from the minute she turns it on, to it being ready to operate can well take 20 to 30 minutes, making it an ordeal to even use it at all. She just sits there, stares at the screen and slurps her hot coffee.


She: (sits in front of her computer waiting for it to boot).

Id: (I want a new computer, one that works.)

Super Ego: (Fucking piece of shit.)


10:30 am

Her phone beeps. A message from her boyfriend telling her good night.


Super Ego: (If I would call him right now, he would understand what it feels like to be called right before going to sleep after a hard day of work, expecting a deep conversation.)

Ego: (I should wish him a good night.)

Super Ego: (And tell him how it felt like for you last night when he called you, and you were so tired, asking you all the superficial questions.)


She writes him a text wishing him a good night, telling him that he should think about what it would be like for him if she called him now, and tried to have a conversation minutes before he goes to sleep.


Id: (I’m hungry).


She gets up to roast one piece of bread. Spreads marmalade on it and returns to the desk to check her emails. She discovers a response to her job application.


Super Ego: (I know what this response is gonna say. It’s a letter of refusal.)

Id: (Open it... Open it!!!!)

Ego: (I hope this is a positive response.)


She opens the email and as it turns out that she got declined once again.


Super Ego: (I knew it. No one is gonna accept you without one. You don’t even have to apply anymore, it’s not gonna work out.)

Id: (I lost my appetite. I want to call someone.)

Super Ego: (You can’t call anyone. What is that gonna do for you.)

Ego: (A response is a response. It is worth a lot that they actually did reply. That means that they were interested in you.)

Super Ego: (No, they were just being decent and friendly. It means nothing)


Dolores ends up not calling anyone to maybe obtain some emotional support. Tears roll down her cheeks. And while her mind still deliberates over whether she is an idiot-a no one or not, she goes to work, greets her boss friendly while thinking ‘he is an idiot’, smiles at him while feeling like shit, puts on her uniform and lights the first cigarette of the day. Her life goes on, her day continues with rain and sun alternating each other by the minute, a conclusion is not found at the moment, and although she struggles with her inner demons and needs are not being fulfilled at that time, she will believe in the temporariness of the moment, look at it as a phase and not give up. Who knows, she might end up with the job of her dreams, a person who deserves her by her side, which is when her inner mind will finally feel gratified again.


I ♥ New York



City of Facades
Why do you put on a front
Show me your real face
New places new faces everyday
What do you stand for
What do you long for

City of facades
You are packed with false dreams
Of made up realities
Plastered with ads by the agencies
All to depict one dream

City of facades you are so fake
Make us imitate what others create

City of facades
Packed and crowded
Pidgins shouting
The lost
And lonely
Acting like a family
You confuse jealousy
With insecurity

City of Facades
I want to own you
I want to know you
I want to hear you
I want to love you

Friday, September 25, 2009

Do You Make Style, or Does Style Make You?



Last week, I was told I can wear anything from casual sporty, to sexy and wild. People have been telling me, they like my style. To me, it is a great compliment; yet, I am wondering what the word "style" really means, and what it implies, when someone tells you "you got style".

Merriam Webster dictionary delivers the following definition of style a: the state of being popular:(fashion) clothes that are always in style; b: fashionable elegance; c: beauty, grace, or ease of manner or technique (an awkward moment she handled with style).

This definition is partly true. Style has to do with aesthetics, so in a way, it can be considered as something beautiful. But what I consider beautiful does not mean you do, too--beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. If someone carries themselves with style, they could (emphasize on could...!) be carrying themselves in a graceful manner, probably because they feel comfortable in their clothing. However, does style really have to do with fashion? And does being in style, really mean the clothing one wears while being stylish, have to be fashionable?

Aren't fashion and style two completely different things? While style can be influenced by fashion--something that is currently in style--one can still be stylish, without the fashion. Gwen Stefani serves as one example for someone who can be in style, but doesn't necessary have to make use of fashionable gadgets. Stefani is the perfect example of what style is beyond fashion. She does not use fashion, but makes use of whatever she thinks suits her and creates her own style. Therefore, style is not necessary synonymous with fashion but with individuality.

A friend of mine, Don Brodie, a current photography student at Parsons in New York, who specializes in Fashion Photography (he just went to New York Fashion week to cover some events backstage) says the following about style and fashion, "Fashion for me is a universal language. Whether someone wants to admit it or not, they are bout fashion. It is an identifier, it is how one defines them self. Style is the "." [bottom line] in fashion. It starts with the fashion which is a mass produced thing (at least to most of us). Style is adding your own flair and creating your individual voice."

If fashion is mass produced and set by the designers who create the pieces, do they make your style, or is style then, what we make of it as individuals. I think style is is about identifying what works for you. Or could we all wear what Stefani rocks?, probably not. Style makes you who you are as an individual, and you make style by expressing your individuality.



She: Hey girl!

She 2: Hey!

She: Damn, I love your outfit, you really know how to work it girl. (Man, I would never wear that...).

She 2: Thank you! I like your's too. (Gosh, she got no style...)

She: Thank you. We should go shopping together sometime.

She 2: Yes, we should. (Man, I would not go shopping with you, you just want to steal my style...) All right, I'll give you a holler. Later! (Nah, I won't call her).

She: All right. (Damn, she got guts wearing that shit...)

Thursday, September 24, 2009

It Was the Night to Forget About Everything

To the Day He Wanted to Die

True Story

It is a nice summer evening in 2008, when a group of people gathers at a lake to celebrate their friend’s birthday. They are having fun, just enjoying the company of one another, without having to think about unemployment, relationship issues, and financial problems. It was a night to forget about everything else. The party involves alcohol and who knows what other substances. The evening proceeds into night, people are reaching a certain limit, starting to feel buzzed, when one of them has an idea--taking a dip into the lake.

One of the friends is hesitant. It is the birthday child. I call him Mike since I do not want to reveal his real name. He knows it is a bad idea, but his friends laugh off his concerns, so he decides to give it a shot. He jumps into the dark water, head first...

Mike wakes up weeks later from a coma. Soon realizing he cannot move from the neck down. He has been paraplegic from that day on.One of the first things he does, and will do almost daily, is calling his best friend asking for salvation; asking to be put out of his misery.

Next, he ends up at an institution for disabled people, most of who are mentally disabled. Mike is still clear in his head,but he is surrounded by people that can barely talk, have ticks, or are just slow. It's Mike's first night there, when a young woman who belongs to the nursing staff starts her shift. One of her colleges tells her they have a new resident. It is the night shift, and she decides to go into Mike's room to introduce herself as the night nurse. When she opens the door, she cannot believe what she sees.

He just stares at her, unable to say anything at all. They are the same age, not even thirty, and had known each other from their teenage years. He was one of the "cute guys", talented, too. She hid her tears that night and tries to be as professional as possible. The tears came when she went home that day.

Whenever she works, she spends time with him, they have conversations and she takes him out for walks in the park. At the point where he refuses to eat, she has to put him on a feeding tube. She tells herself she is just doing a job. Other nights, when she sees how degraded he feels when she has to release him from his excrement, since he can't use the bathroom anymore, she just focuses on the job, too. She tells me how at first his friends come and visit. But the longer he is there, less people show up to see him. At last, only a few family members and maybe one or two friends persistently show up.

A couple months later, he moves to a different institution. They haven't seen each other since.

Two weeks ago, she gets the news--he died at the age of 29.

I want to share this, because I really felt for this person. I want people to remember these kinds of stories and make them apparent in their lives. I want people to realize that life is short. We may never take a single day for granted. We may never not do what our heart desires, we need to be aware of how precious life is. Tell your loved ones you love them, and never leave after a fight, before you told that person you love them.

These kinds of stories help me to put things into perspective, and make wonder about what really is important in life—certainly not materialistic things.

I do not think we actually have to look in the face of death to be able to appreciate certain things as simple as the sunrise.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-jMDFYdITLE&playnext=1&list=PLEB29FB6006DFEEE8&feature=results_main

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Love versus Love

Movie Night: Twilight (part I) versus Revolutionary Road

Photobucket
When I picked the movies for my last movie night, I chose to watch Twilight, because I wanted to find out what the hype about the movie was. I also selected Revolutionary Road, without really knowing why.

Both movies turned out to be love stories.

In Twilight, an ordinary girl, played by Kristen Stewart, falls in love with a vampire Robert Pattinson. That in itself creates a conflict, because vampires and humans are not supposed to love each other. Still, their attraction towards each other wins, and they end up getting together. While he shows her his vampire world, they are being chased by other vampires, who want to kill her.

He risks everything for her to be safe at the end. While I must say, the story isn't very deep, since it is just a nice romance piece that depicts the beauty of love. The endless desire for each other, the willingness to do anything for one another. The movie shows how love makes you forget about everything around you.



I then continued my night with Revolutionary Road with Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet, which turned out to be another love story--but the different kind of love story--developing into a drama, while showing the other side of love. It is about this couple that decides to move to Paris from a suburb in Connecticut, in order to start a new life. He works a job he can't stand and she takes care of their two children. But, they are caught up in tradition, and just the idea of breaking out of it, develops into numerous conflicts.

Although they love each other, their relationship ends in disaster. Not only do they seem to fail the idea of moving away, but they are failing their relationship. Paris, just served as an escape of their broken love life which they are incapable of repairing.

It was interesting to see the two kinds of love in these movies. While everyone wants to experience the love of Twilight,reality can become Revolutionary Road. It is interesting to see, what love can be. Does love always have to end in disaster, and if it does, how does one get out of it? Doesn't love always start like the first movie I watched, where everything is good and love is all that counts, and then ends up where a couple gets caught up in what is left after the beauty of love called reality, where love becomes secondary? Do we need to make love primary again, in order to make it work in the long run?

Love definitely is a complex thing...

Friday, September 11, 2009

Currently Reading

"The Law of Attraction" by Esther and Jerry Hicks



In every book I read, whether it is fictional work, biographies, memoirs, or guidance books, I find passages or quotes I would like to share.

The Law of Attraction, is a law that says "one attracts what one thinks". Thoughts can be positive or negative; therefore, we attract good and dire things. Now, I can imagine, one does not want to attract negative things, but the question is, how can we not think unhelpful thoughts? The Law of Attraction says, that we need to trust our inner voice. When having thoughts that are being accompanied by negative emotions, these emotions want to tell us that what we are thinking of is not what we want. So once we feel negative about one thing, we need to find out how to make us feel positive about it again. One way to do that is by not making a small negative thought turn into a negative emotion. Once we monitor our thoughts, we can steer them into a different direction. With other words, when we start doubting or thinking negative about something we want, we do not have to let the thought manifest in our system, so the thought does not have to turn into a negative emotion.

Another interesting passage I found was the following. According to this book, we learn not to trust our intuition and get influenced by people around us, possibly parents, friends, teachers etc. who try to tell us how things are supposed to go. When our ideas do not correlate with what other people tell us, we start believing that we cannot trust our own impulses and ideas, and learn that what our intuition is telling us may be wrong.

This book says that when we feel love, we are in tune with our inner self, and when we feel hate or other negative emotions, we are not in tune with our inner self. Interestingly, it says that when we were younger, we used to know these things, because we were more willing to trust our inner voice. I think that finding one's happiness is hard work. Every individual is different, and one may take other people's advice, but truly, the only one who can lead us to our happiness is ourselves, we just need to know what we want, and by listening to our inner selves, we can find out what we truly desire, or whether what we think we want really IS what we desire...

Thursday, September 10, 2009

'Leave Britney Alone' and take Beth Ditto as an Example



Britney Spears is currently performing all over Europe, North America, and Australia with her “The Circus Starring Britney Spears” tour. The tour started in June of this year in Paris, and will end in October. According to Spears’ official website, it is said to be the highest grossing tour of 2009, and will earn $ 74 million. Despite these great successes, I did not know anything about the tour, except for Britney’s weight issues. When I googled “Britney and the circus tour”, I got 3,590,000 results, whereas when I googled “Britney Spears weight issues”, I received 5,650,000 results!

Regardless of whether people like Spears or not, things need to be put into perspective. As far as I can tell, I do not think she is overweight or even fat. She may not always appear in the best light in all of her outfits, but I think one should blame her stylist. He/she should be able to tell what is flattering for Spears or not. To me, Spears appears like a regular woman. Just imagine seeing someone of her body type on the street, would you turn around and comment on her weight?

It angers me, how women in public are ripped apart for their appearance. I wonder why we live in a society that appears to live by the motto “perfect only”. Due to some unforeseen circumstances and stresses, I have dropped a couple of pounds lately. I was never a big girl, but always the curvy kind with a size 8 or 10. I never pressured myself into loosing weight, and never put myself on a diet. I merely ate healthy, and went to the gym regularly. Now that I have lost weight, the feedback I am getting from friends is mostly positive. Everyone tells me how great I look skinnier. On the one hand, these compliments are flattering, yet, I can see how they put me under pressure. I am a private person, now how must this pressure feel like coming from everywhere, public media even?

Beth Ditto, rising star of The Gossip, appears to be comfortable in her own skin. She is outgoing, and even performs on stage in her underwear. I personally have a lot of respect for the kind of work her and Spears do. Being in the public eye, and therefore being judged upon your work right on the spot is enough pressure, do people really care about their weight? I think we need to remember that people like Spears and Ditto are human beings, with human problems, and not icons, or images that have to represent what we would like to be.

As a college student, I had lived a predominantly sedentary life style, and decided I needed to become more active. I noticed how, by working out, my body became leaner and more defined; additionaly, it contributed to a kind of inner balance. Anyhow, there was no force for me. I liked the way I looked, and I think that is the key--feeling comfortable in your own skin, and dressing accordingly. Thanks Beth Ditto for showing us how to! This is what Ditto said in an interview with BILD, “I had two options. I could either hate myself and my body for the rest of my life. Or I could set my own standards, find my own look and be happy with myself the way that I am. So I did the second one!”

Woman, stop dieting, stop thriving for perfect. Live healthy and be good to yourself. Take Beth Ditto as an example for everyone who judges upon your looks!

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Caterpillar and Bird

Two Friends Learning How to Fly

A long time ago, there was a young bird couple living in a beautiful nest on a chestnut tee. The couple was in love and ready to have children. So they decided to build a bigger nest on a taller tree, to have space for the two babies to come. As young mother bird sat on top off the eggs, papa bird would leave to collect material for the new nest.

On an autumn day, the wind was howling and shaking around the twigs and branches making mama bird clinch her wings around the eggs. Mother bird had gotten worried when papa bird had wanted to leave for his daily quest. She had asked him to stay and told him it might be too dangerous that day. But papa bird was stubborn because he knew of the importance of finishing their new home. It was the night the baby birds were supposed to hatch. He told mother bird not to worry, and said he would be back before nightfall to pick up her and the eggs, so the babies could hatch comfortably. As soon as papa bird left, the wind had gotten more aggressive, and rain started pouring down the leaves leaving mother bird trembling and wet. Mother nature didn't mean well that day, and soon the storm came closer, and developed into a thunderstorm right above them. Right as she was trying to tell herself everything was going to be ok, lightning struck the tree she was on. The owl said they all died that night...

But that wasn’t the case for all of them. One of the baby birds survived. He had hatched on the floor, and lived in that very spot for sometime. Until one day a caterpillar crossed his way. Caterpillar asked bird to come join him on his journey. Bird was happy to have found a friend, and together they were striving through the forest. They helped each other find food, and kept each other warm on cold, cold nights. They told each other stories when the moon was covered by the clouds so they didn’t have to be scared of the darkness.

One day, after a day of wandering through the woods, bird had gotten tired, and asked caterpillar to rest and build their camp for the night. Caterpillar was way ahead of bird. He turned around at birds request, and noticed something in bird’s eyes he had never seen before. He knew something wasn’t right. Bird told him, that he didn’t want to have to hide anymore, and that living on the ground had taken a toll on him, because of the dangers they would find themselves in every night. He told caterpillar, that it would be better for them to look for something more permanent. Something high up in the trees possibly, so that they wouldn’t have to be worried about being eaten by the other animals that also lived in the forest. Caterpillar hesitated, because he took a liking on the exciting life style they have had. He liked the thrill of the night, making him proud that they could survive on the ground. However, he was tired himself and asked bird to follow him up the oak tree that was right ahead of them.

And there they were, enjoying the feeling of comfort living high up in the oak tree giving them the feeling of a new found home. On days caterpillar was tired, bird went down to bring up some food. Other days, bird was tired or just feeling like being lazy, and caterpillar did the same. On their search for food, they would always pass the owl, and casually talk to her.

Although, nothing seemed different that spring day, and it was a nice was a sunny day indeed, caterpillar was bothered by something. He told bird he would go out to find some food. And so he left thinking of what it could be that was bothering him. The owl could tell that caterpillar was in deep thoughts, and asked him what was going on. Caterpillar wasn’t sure, but said that he missed the exciting life on the ground, but also enjoyed life on the tree. He said he was getting too comfortable, and in a way he felt like he had gotten dependent on his friend bird. Owl responded that the dependency he was feeling did not have to be negative, and that he just needed to find a balance. But caterpillar didn’t know how to. Owl explained that it was important to do some things on one’s own sometimes, and that once they would do that, they could enjoy the comfort of their home even more. It is not bad to feel safe, owl added.

When caterpillar returned, he had a strange feeling accompanying him. He asked bird why he never tried to fly. Bird said he didn’t know how to, and also didn’t see the need for it. But caterpillar told him, that he thought it was important to try new things, and do them on their own. Bird didn’t understand why, and asked caterpillar instead, why he had not turned into a butterfly yet. Caterpillar said he didn’t know how to.

The next day, caterpillar woke up very early. He had trouble getting a good night rest, and told bird he was going to find some food again, although it had been bird’s turn that day. Bird was ok with letting him go, and enjoyed the day in the tree. Caterpillar was almost at the bottom, when he shouted up, that bird should practice flying in the meantime. But bird didn’t feel like it, and was lying on his back, staring into the clouds turning them into pictures of things he liked. He had a good day doing that, and when caterpillar returned, he just wanted to tell him what kind of shapes he had seen in the clouds. Caterpillar wasn’t really listening, but only felt disappointment for the fact that bird had refused to practice what he had told him to.

Weeks had passed, and their friendship started crumbling. They barely talked, and caterpillar turned into the provider who brought food every day. One day, he was so tired and mad at the fact that he was doing all the work that he yelled at bird, saying that he should have learnt how to fly. Bird said that he would, but he was just not ready yet. That angered caterpillar even more, and he turned around in such a rough manner, that his turn had hit bird on his back and almost pushed him off the tree. Bird was able to hold on to a branch with one wing, screaming for help. But caterpillar felt paralyzed. Unable to move, bird slipped and fell down to the ground, but right as he was about to hit, his wings stared flapping, and he could hold himself up a few seconds to catch his fall.

When he landed, and his first landing was rough, he looked up the tree. Caterpillar was still not moving, and because he was upset that caterpillar made him fall, he decided to leave him. Every day, from that day on he was flying. At first a few feet, then some yards and later on he was able to fly around all day. He had thought about caterpillars words, and wished he would have started flying earlier. He felt very comfortable in the air, and was able to move from tree to tree. Every tree he rested at was different, and he enjoyed the freshness of finding new places to go to every day.

Caterpillar had waited for birds return, but one day realized that it was not going to happen. He did not want to be reminiscent of his old friend, and the tree was a constant reminder of his loneliness. Driven by his voracious appetite, he walked and walked so far, eating everything he had found on his way. Until he had to slow down, because he had felt so full, that he became incapable of moving. Not knowing how many days he went along like that, he fell asleep. When he woke up the next day, his life had changed. He had finally turned into a butterfly, and just like bird, his first tries flying were clumsy, but soon he became stable and able to fly around like he had never done anything else.

He flew back to the oak tree he used to live in with bird. As he got to the top, he noticed a flower on the ground. Bird had liked flowers, and the view reminded him of his friend. With the memory of his old friend coming back, the feeling of guilt for the night their ways had parted, came up with it. Butterfly felt the need to escape, and started flying, with no sense of direction. Hey, shouted someone in the tree. It was owl. They had a chat, and butterfly told him how guilty he had felt about what had happened, and complained about how lonely he felt without bird. Owl had told him, that the dependency caterpillar had once complained about was not a dependency, but the need for a friend. Owl had told him to look for his old friend. But caterpillar was doubtful and did not know how bird could forgive him. Just ask for forgiveness, you are a butterfly now, and you have learnt from the past, responded owl.

A year later, owl had noticed two objects in the air. They were floating with such lightness that he was wondering what kind of birds they were. As the objects came closer, he realized it was butterfly and bird. They had found each other again. Hello, shouted owl. Butterfly and bird greeted friendly, and told owl about their new adventurous life. Yes, we like moving from place to place, and it is allot easier to do that in the air, said butterfly. There are too many risks on the ground added bird, and they both left happy to have found each other again. This time we will never part they said and left...

The owl said that one may never force someone to do something. He also said that one may never take a friendship for granted. And so, owl still lives in the same tree, waiting for friends to ask for advice...

Monday, August 24, 2009

Looking for Inspiration




So here I am thinking about life. And thinking sometimes works better with music playing. So I put on my gigantic headphones and positioned myself in front of my computer to 'youtube' music. Sometimes I watch clips, or just listen to them while I'm doing something else. I put in the names of bands and artists I just recently discovered, or re-discover the ones I already know. This weekend I decided to search for the following...

So, back when I used to watch MTV, in the days when MTV actually played music videos, I saw this video of Björk (probably about almost 10 years ago). I couldn't remember the song title, but I had images stuck in my head. Pictures of landscapes; wide, beautiful, and breathtaking imagery. One scene I specifically remember is a winding river, the camera is moving over it quickly exposing different angles--either close ups or aerial shots. I think what stuck with me wasn't only the magnificence I saw, reminding me of earth's beauty, but also the way the camera exposed the scenery. I found some information on the video on Wikipedia. Here is what it says: "The video for "Jóga" is a departure from her other videos as it focuses primarily on different Icelandic terrains with Björk's presence only in the beginning and towards the end. With the aid of computer animation, earthquakes begin to separate and shift the chunks of land along fault lines. The video ends with a computerized image of an island floating inside Björk's chest."

The video was directed by Michel Gondry. I didn't even realize Gondry did so many music videos, but he truly is one of the best one of his kind. And I can't decide what touches me more, the song itself (lyrics, voice, performance), or the video (imagery, scenery, cinematography)--probably a combination of every single detail. Here is an excerpt of the lyrics:

All these accidents,
That happen,
Follow the dot,
Coincidence,
Makes sense,
Only with you,
You don't have to speak,
I feel.

Emotional landscapes,
They puzzle me,
Then the riddle gets solved,
And you push me up to this

State of emergency,
How beautiful to be,
State of emergency,
Is where I want to be.

All that no-one sees,
You see,
What's inside of me,
Every nerve that hurts,
You heal,
Deep inside of me, oo-oohh,
You don't have to speak,
I feel.


I 'youtubed', 'googled', and 'wikipediad' this amazing piece of art, and if anyone is interested, watch the video, as well as a breathtaking live performance of the song. I am glad I re-discovered this song and video. Art should always be kept alive, and from time to time we need to resurrect our memory to truly find inspiration. Thank you Björk and Gondry for this collaboration making it one of a kind...

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Why not judging a book by it's cover?



When someone says "don't judge a book by its cover", everyone knows what it means -- do not judge someone or something by his, her, or it's appearance. A simple saying serves as a metaphor for everyday life; however, we are always being judged by our outer appearance. Whether it is the clothing we wear, to hairstyle we have, the resume or cover letter that gives a good or bad first impression, or the way we walk and talk to name a few examples. This saying is an ideal, we often do not apply in real life. When it comes to books, this advice completely fails.

Covers are important. They can give the reader an idea of what is inside. Although the reader may not always understand what the cover design means, and a buyer may interpret what they see different from another buyer, it still draws reader’s attention and makes them either buy a book or leave it on a shelf. It is the first impression the buyer gets, and as real life shows, the first impression does count. I know exactly what kind of book would not attract me, simply by it's appearance. Yes, I know that is superficial of me, but isn't that how we are? If a book get's picked up by me, even if I don't like the cover, it gets picked up because it attracted me for another reason, and that's what it is supposed to do -- attract my attention.

Furthermore, everything on the cover has meaning. And whatever meaning it portrays, might help to get my attention. Whether the meaning I connect to it is intended, or just concluded by me, the buyer. Fonts style and seize, colors, illustrations and images displayed say something about the book. A classic usually comes in shapes of brown or beige, and either only has the author's name and book title on the front, or both combined with a drawn picture that resembles that era. One can recognize crime and mystery novels because they are almost exclusively black with red writing. Photography books will not have a badly composed non-artistic image on their cover, but rather an artistic or at least well-composed image. If one looking for something cheerful, one would probably not be attracted to a book in dark colors.

At the end of the day, one may judge a book by its cover, and people in the publishing industry would probably sign this statement with ‘please do’! And yes, never forget, there are always exceptions.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Erasing Memory

A young couple, both in their early twenties, are struggling through adolescence for several reasons:
It's the years after college--reality hits;
they are chasing their dreams (but they have them, and that's the most important).
They are searching for their identities (as everyone does around that age, no one is really sure of who they are).
They have been in a relationship since their teens, and although they believe in true love, and in the fact that they can be together for the rest of their lives, they are getting sidetracked, leading them to feel unsure after a couple of years (but thats usually what people go through, they need to reconfirm that what they are doing and investing in is still right)... The author actually believes that people loose sight of what they already know by influences they cannot control, say friends, financial issues, or problems with the current job. But what the author thinks is minor, the characters are more significant.




So it is around that time of instability and doubts when he goes to a party. She often prefers to be home to read, rest, think, or write. She feels that when she goes out drinking, she wastes a whole day (which would be the day after when she feels hungover). Don't get her wrong, she likes to go out, but just not as frequently as her significant other. He, on the other hand needs to go out to let loose and forget about the stress of his day. He is a hard worker, and even when he goes out he often considers it networking events (but usually it is just getting together to party). So it is Friday, and on Fridays he goes out (on Saturdays and Wednesdays, too), that's just the way it's been lately. And all throughout his teens. He is a very social person, whereas she can be introverted. However, both meet in the middle and feed off of their current moods. Sometimes, when she would usually stay home, she decides to go out with him, and when he wants to go out he decides to stay in to enjoy some time with her. It works, that's how they create a kind of balance. Anyway, around that time, it wasn't much of a balance, and he goes to this party.

He drinks too much.
He meets an unimposing blond.
She is just there, and happens to offer herself to him.
He is amazed of that simpleness and does not really think about it. He has always been a rebel. At that point he just wants to see how far he could go. He didn't really think.
There it happened.
Poor blond plays innocent.
He takes her home and ends up in bed with her.

She finds out and a world falls apart. Everything she has believed in becomes invalid; at least that's what she feels at the moment.

She bursts into tears, needlessly to describe her voice when she says the following words, "You destroyed our innocence." Her words sounded so painful, that the neighbor above who witnessed her yelling almost felt bad (without knowing what is going on). After those words she falls down to the floor.

There they are. Situated on the floor, crawled up into a ball off two people, crying together. He is holding her, although she doesn't want him to. It feels like they have left their bodies for a moment and are watching themselves from the kitchen ceiling. Everything they do then is so cliche that it does feel like they are in a bad movie. A movie she never agreed to play a part in she later says.

Now, a couple either separates or moves on. Why did they want to move on? Because they felt like what they had was more than one stupid mistake. They want to survive, but moving on isn't as easy as they thought, the mistake seems to have a greater impact on them, and more influence then they would like to admit.

Sometimes things are easier said than done, and after a year of trying, the topic still comes up in certain situations, or even randomly makes its way up to the surface. The point is reached where they become unsure of their original decision--trying to overcome the bad.

It is a day like that when she walks around in the city. Christmas is coming up, and all the lights and decorations everywhere remind her of her childhood. Back when life was so innocent, she thought. Her walk is slow, and she is not really going anywhere in specific, she just needed some air, is what she told him. She is caught up in her thoughts and doesn't see the guy approaching her with full speed on a bike. When he is right beside her, she feels a jerk on her arm and realizes that bastard snatched her purse. She turns around, but he is gone. "Help" was all she could stumble out, and there she is running into the direction of where the thieve left. She wasn't prepared for such calamity. But after a couple of minutes of running as fast as her legs can carry her, she gives up. She breathes heavily; her thorax is moving up and down quickly. She turns down her head and lets her shoulders fall to catch her breath. She is devastated, when her sad eyes glimpse something interesting on the floor. She picks up a flyer.

Back home she explains her finding.
"It says there is a medical scientist in the city who experiments with erasing memory."
He thinks she is crazy. "Yes, experimenting is not knowing. What if it is dangerous?"
"It might be, but I am willing to take the risk." They keep on discussing and come to an agreement.

It is a beautiful day. Must have been about two months later. Their last night together was just as nice as the sun rays embracing their walk. They loved each other in a way they have never done before, on the verge of maybe not being able to see each other again, love can be so passionate. They are walking to the secret location of this doctor. It is a secret location because they are the first ones to do it, and they do not want the press to be all over them in case something goes wrong.

There they are, laying on the comfortable bed, similar to hospital beds. The room is completely white. But for the procedure the light is being turned off, and the room is being darkened. All they have now is their touch. They are holding each other's hand, and not knowing that they really are facing each other, because it is so dark, their faces are turned to each other. That's when they kiss; it's an intense kiss accompanied by these last words: "If we really are meant for each other, we will find each other again".

Off they go into deep hypnosis, or something thats comparable to it. And when they wake up from it, they will be in separate rooms, with a note in their hands telling them where they work, and what their names are, and that's all about that will be left. They will not know that they have once known each other. The future will tell whatever happens after that. No, this is not the story of Romeo and Juliet, is what the author thinks, it is a modern love story, but the authors thoughts are still very insignificant...

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Not the “Michael-Jackson-Kinda-Generation”




My youngest sister has just turned 17. She is a smart girl with interest that most girls her age share: make up, boys, and parties. My mom’s age is not really significant, and her interests surely look different from my little sisters.

When I grew up, my mother had two pictures on her fridge, one of Madonna, and the other one of Michael Jackson. She was in her twenties, and those two pictures probably represented artists she truly adored (besides Tina Turner, who she has more in common with one would wish for). At that time, my younger sister has not even been planned until 10 years later. One of her first daughters (my older sister’s) words were "Michael Jackson". So, when "the King of Pop" passed away, it was very significant to our family. At least most of my family members were struck by Jackson’s death. My mom had called me and told me what had happened, so did my twin sister, and both had expressed their grief.

At work, the first words my boss had greeted me with were, "What are you thinking of Michael Jackson’s death?," to which I replied that I thought it was sad, but that I was already tired of the media coverage that was to be expected to be negative and rip his image and life apart.

Last week, when I visited my mom, she proudly represented a special edition magazine that had cost her a small fortune of almost 10 euros: a Michael Jackson special. A couple of days ago, I found myself watching “You Tube” instructions and practicing the moon walk. To my surprise, I had not gotten tired of the media coverage, and actually embraced the fact that his music became present again. When I was walking by a busy road, a car had passed me, and the speakers blasted “They Don’t Care About Us” by Michael Jackson. And although that would have, before his death, called for anything but understanding for playing such an outdated song, his passing involuntary called for something everyone should be remembered for: accomplishments in life. Michael Jackson seems to finally be remembered for his music.

However, it was clear that people my age, I am in my mid twenties, surely had one or more Michael Jackson stories to tell. Just like my boyfriend who likes to say “jimona”, and told me how him and his family used to listen to The Jackson Five. These stories prove how many lives Michael Jackson had influenced. I believe there will truly never be another artist like him.

The one thing that seemed unclear to me was, that if people close to my age or older seemed to be definitely relating to the Michael Jackson era, or at least be remembering him for someone who truly earned the title “King of Pop”, I was unsure about the generation after me. So I turned to my 17 year old sister. I was prepared for an in-depth interview, to find out what her feeling towards him were. I wanted to see if the generation after mine, who did not directly witness Jackson’s accomplishments, but relied on the media coverage of the most recent years, thought about him. So I asked, while she was putting on her make up:

“How do you feel about Michael Jackson’s death?”

She turned around for a split second and immediately turned back to the mirror to apply another layer of mascara.

“Nothing.”

“What do you mean?,” I asked.

“Huh? I mean I don’t care about him.”

I quickly abandoned all the questions I had laid out in my head, had I been ready for an extensive interview with her. I must confess, I had expected a little more–if not adoration, at least a discussion about how crazy she thinks Michael Jackson was. But nothing. So much for her generation. I left her room after that, sat down on my mother’s couch, to browse through her Michael-Jackson- Special-Edition-Magazine-Picture-Book, her answer still lingering in my head.

Monday, June 22, 2009

Die Toten Hosen, English Translation

Here is a translation of the article I wrote about the open air concert with the "Toten Hosen" (The Dead Pants) -- funny name for a band, I know. The "Hosen" have been a band since 1982 and an essential element in the German punk-rock movement. They have been able to sell over 23 million records to date and are performing all over the world, which is very rare for a German band with predominant German lyrics. However, "Die Hosen", which is how they are called here in Germany, are definitely known by every German; therefore, I considered working at the concert an honor. Besides, I must definitely say that the "Donots" (do-nots, or reference to donuts purposely spelled wrong) are a great live band. I love their song "Stop the Clocks". Check out their latest album "Coma Chameleon", it's worth it. And the "Trashmonkeys" have planted their song "Attitudes in Stereo" in my ear, ever since hearing it live.

Thanks for your interest, here is the English translation of "Open Air der Superlative--Die Toten Hosen"



An Open Air Concert of Superlative Quality: „Die Toten Hosen“ are performing live in Bremerhaven

An open-air concert of superlative quality took place on Saturday the 6th of June at Wilhelm-Kaisen-Platz in Bremerhaven. 12.000 fans came to enjoy one of the most successful German bands to date, “Die Toten Hosen” live.

And if that would have not been enough to attract viewers, “Die Hosen” brought a number of punk-rock bands with them to animate the crowd before their show.

The beginning of the almost six-hour long concert is made by “Stigma,” a German alternative band that sings their songs in German, which is rare for this genre.

Next are the “Trashmonkeys.” “We are trying to break the sound-barriers, today,” says Andreas G. Wolfinger, the lead singer, and starts playing their current single “Leaving Home.” The band from Bremen gives there all for an hour, and says good-bye with “Attitudes in Stereo.” “The encore will be on our LP,” says Wolfinger and refers to the band’s merchandise, which is being sold on the festival grounds. The audience is thrilled. An enthusiastic viewer in the front row asks a security guard for the band’s name that had just finished their performance.

After a short break, the “Donots” are stepping on stage. Ingo Knollmann —lead singer — understands how to thrill the audience. And after his band’s performance, and his funny statements, one could say the Donots have developed a friendly relationship with Bremerhaven’s audience. “Bremerhaven, you are windy,” he says, “Bremerhaven, but you’re still dressed very nicely.” Then he continuous with the last song, “Stop the Clocks,” and orders the audience to sing along, “At a Hosen concert every single song has to be sung along,” he adds, “At a ‘Hosen’ concert every single damn song is being sung along,” he smiles contagiously.

With the last pre-show performance, a punk-rock sound pours out of the speakers. The audience is still pleasantly hyped when “Millencolin” starts playing their songs. Nikola Sarcevic greets the crowd and explains that it is National Day in Sweden – their hometown; he is being ironic when he states that his band came from Sweden to be celebrating the holiday in Germany.

At dusk, after a four-hour long pre-show with a fantastic line-up, “Die Toten Hosen” finally begin their two hour performance. Campino and Co are pleasing the crowd with classics and new songs of their latest CD “In Aller Stille” [In All Silence]. “Machmalauter” [Turnitup], the motto of the upcoming tour that includes more open-air performances, seems like a complete success, as 12.000 fans leave happily and pleased at 11 pm.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Die Toten Hosen

In June of this year I was able to be at one of the biggest events of this year, as part of working for the event venue "Stadthalle Bremerhaven, an open-air concert with Stigma, Trashmonkeys, Donots, and Millencolin. All of them were part of the pre-show for the headliner "Die Toten Hosen," one of Germany's biggest Bands. 12.000 fans came, and it was so much fun to photograph and write about this occasion.

Here is the article as I posted it on the website Stadthalle Bremerhaven




If you are interested in seeing my pictures of the event, follow these two links: Pictures of Die Toten Hosen, and Pictures of Stigma, Trashmonkeys, Donots, Millencolin


Here is a translation of the article I wrote about the open air concert with the "Toten Hosen" [The Dead Pants] – funny name for a band, I know. "Die Hosen" have been a band since 1982 and became an essential element in the German punk-rock movement. They have been able to sell over 23 million records to date, and are performing all over the world – which is very rare for a German band with predominant German lyrics. "Die Hosen" are definitely known by every German; therefore, I considered working at the concert an honor. Besides, I must say that the "Donots," pronounced do-nots, are a great live band. I love their song "Stop the Clocks". Check out their latest album "Coma Chameleon," it's worth it. And the "Trashmonkeys" have planted their song "Attitudes in Stereo" in my ear, ever since hearing it live.

Thanks for your interest, here is the English translation of "Open Air der Superlative--Die Toten Hosen"



An Open Air Concert of Superlative Quality: „Die Toten Hosen“ are performing live in Bremerhaven

An open-air concert of superlative quality took place on Saturday the 6th of June at Wilhelm-Kaisen-Platz in Bremerhaven. 12.000 fans came to enjoy one of the most successful German bands to date, “Die Toten Hosen” live. And if that would have not been enough to attract viewers, “Die Hosen” brought a number of punk-rock bands with them to animate the crowd before their show.

The beginning of the almost six-hour long concert is made by “Stigma,” a German alternative band that sings their songs in German, which is rare for this genre.

Next are the “Trashmonkeys.” “We are trying to break the sound-barriers, today,” says Andreas G. Wolfinger, the lead singer, and starts playing their current single “Leaving Home.” The band from Bremen gives there all for an hour, and says good-bye with “Attitudes in Stereo.” “The encore will be on our LP,” says Wolfinger and refers to the band’s merchandise, which is being sold on the festival grounds. The audience is thrilled. An enthusiastic viewer in the front row asks a security guard for the band’s name that had just finished their performance.

After a short break, the “Donots” step on stage. Ingo Knollmann —lead singer — understands how to thrill the audience. And after his band’s performance, and his funny statements, one could say the Donots have developed a friendly relationship with Bremerhaven’s audience. “Bremerhaven, you are windy,” he says, “Bremerhaven, but you’re still dressed very nicely.” Then he continuous with the last song, “Stop the Clocks,” and orders the audience to sing along, “At a Hosen concert every single song has to be sung along,” he adds, “At a ‘Hosen’ concert every single damn song is being sung along,” he smiles contagiously.

With the last pre-show performance, a punk-rock sound pours out of the speakers. The audience is still pleasantly hyped when “Millencolin” starts playing their songs. Nikola Sarcevic greets the crowd and explains that it is National Day in Sweden – their hometown; he is being ironic when he states that his band came from Sweden to be celebrating the holiday in Germany.

At dusk, after a four-hour long pre-show with a fantastic line-up, “Die Toten Hosen” finally begin their two hour performance. Campino and Co are pleasing the crowd with classics and new songs of their latest CD “In Aller Stille” [In All Silence]. “Machmalauter” [Turnitup], the motto of the upcoming tour that includes more open-air performances, seems like a complete success, as 12.000 fans leave happily and pleased at 11 pm.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Inauguration 2009









Die USA lieben ihren Präsidenten, oder?






Here is another translation of an article I wrote in January 2009 for DEICHHELDEN




Americans love their president, don’t they?

It has been official for over two weeks now, America’s first African-American president is officially in office and it seems that Americans love him. Furthermore, the whole world is fascinated with President Barack Obama. DEICHHELDEN reporter, Janina Marquordt, met five young Americans to find out how they have witnessed this historical event and asked them what they really think about their president.

Megan Dixon, 25, Hyatsville, MD,
Katie Edwards, 22, Brooklyn, NYC,
Pat Roxas, 24, Manhattan, NYC,
Marie Jean-Louis, 25, Brooklyn, NYC,
Dwayne Hackett, 25, Brooklyn, NYC

For inauguration, the 20th of January, an estimated 1.5 million people went down to the National Mall to witness how Obama got sworn in, what did you do for inauguration?
Megan: I went to the National Mall with several friends of mine and watched the ceremony on jumbotrons. It was exciting and exhausting because we had stayed up all night the night before in order to get down there super early. It was crowded, and crazy, and for a while we didn’t think we would make it up to the Mall because they had closed down so many streets for security. We finally found a way and were actually close to the Washington Monument.
Marie: I was at work but we watched it on a small TV that my co-workers had organized, so I was able to watch most of it.
Pat: Woke up at 11 o’clock, (I couldn’t go to DC), turned on the TV and watched it, the best seat you can get is in front of your TV.
Megan: Yes, I could have just watched it on TV, I didn’t even see that much, but it felt great being able to be part of a huge historic moment and share it with others.

How did you feel when the first African-American president got sworn in?
Dwayne: Unfortunately, I was at work, so I missed a good portion of it; however, my highlight was to learn that he was the official president of the United States.
Pat: I voted for Obama, and I think that was more important than going to DC to see him being sworn in.

Do you remember the day Obama got elected, and did you expect him to win?
Katie: I didn’t think it was gonna happen but I kinda lost faith in our country the second round of Bush being in office. So I thought that it was really cool for a black president who was about change and a lot of new things happening, but I thought people didn’t wanna take that risk or do something different for once. I was kinda doubting our country but got pleasantly surprised.
Dwayne: I am from Barbados, our population is 95% black, so for me it was more so because his father was a direct descendant from Africa and his mother being mixed. You have this boy who would have, 50 years ago, been walked all over, not just because he is black but because he is mixed, to instantly becoming president of the United States. The fact that that you would have someone to come from the lowest of the lows, to catapult its way all the way of the top, was a world-changing event.
Megan: I had a bunch of friends over and we watched it on TV. I remembered the last elections when it was Kerry versus Bush, we thought Kerry would win, and then as the night went on, when it looked like he was winning, and didn’t at the end, made me feel so awful, it was so disappointing. So I had that in the back of my head and I was pretty sure, but also scared about what could happen if he wouldn’t win, just like Kerry. I couldn’t take my eyes off of the TV and when we learnt that Obama won, we were all screaming and dancing. On the news they started showing all the stuff that was going on in DC, all the people coming out in the streets to celebrate, so we decided to go down, too. People were high fiving and hugging strangers. It was definitely a night I will always remember.

What does Obama stand for, and what are you hoping will change?
Pat: Obama stands for a bunch of high expectations that need to be met. ‘We will harvest the wind, the sun, and the soil’, he said. We need new energy sources-our climate is changing. He’s definitely got a long four years.
Marie: He stands for the people, the middle class, the people that make up most of the United States, the ones that get screwed by our taxes. I want everybody out of Iraq. I want the economy to go back up. I want more fairness between classes. I want everybody to have health insurance, and I want woman to have the same rights. [A week and a half, after inauguration, Obama signs the “Lily Ledbecker Fair Pay Act”, under which pay is not determined by gender or skin color. The act was named after the now 70 year-old Lily Ledbecker, who went to the Supreme Court, to effectuate the same wage for females like herself, and their male co-workers, but her case had been denied.]
Megan: He is trying to bring in a new era of government that is transparent, and that actually works for the people more so than the big corporations. I am concerned of the state of our educational system, the state of health care. I also hope that he can help restore our reputation throughout the world.
Dwayne: There are so many things that I want to change, but what I really want to change is that I would prefer that he would find a way for companies’ recognition for the need of the people, meaning more jobs and fair payment for the jobs. I want payments to be adjusted.
Katie: I think he is a great icon of every person in America, like the president should be, and that’s why he has a lot on his plate. I hope that it will inspire other people to put their expectations in regards and actually do things to change. It’s everyone’s job to make something change, not just his. He is just not gonna fix everything, and I hope people will understand that.
Pat: He is not inspiring people, the people have to inspire him. He is the president that is subjected to change what the people want. He will only do what the people push him to do.
Katie: Anything is better than what we had for the past eight years, so even if he fails at everything, he still stands for something amazing that is way better than what we’ve had.
Dwayne: Exactly, regardless of all the turmoil we are going through, it was a world-changing event and I think it is the first of many dominos that will fall, probably all over the world. No matter how his presidency ends, it is a new age.


Thursday, March 12, 2009

Statt ins Cafe in die WG



Bremerhavens dunkle Seite



Mediterraneo Top oder Flop?


Monday, March 9, 2009

Brobick ist kein alter Hase, aber Profi


Saturday, February 28, 2009

Should I write from left to right
or from right to left?
I wanna be free with no obligations 
to call anyone
to go anywhere
find out
explore
breath in and out
clear the disc 
reformat thoughts 
writer's block
clogged thoughts
I wanna cuzz
I wanna cry
I wanna laugh
I wanna run 
away 
towards
close 
END


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