Showing posts with label My Writing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label My Writing. Show all posts

Saturday, February 28, 2015

The World, Wide Web


I feel alone in the vastness of being (online).

I browse the world with a tab, and another tab, then another one.

Repeat.

I connect to the artificial world on TV which turns into my family, my travel partner, my adventurist, my unqualified psychologist

For a little while the screen goes blank. 

The next one lights up. 

I'll find you satisfaction, in my never-ending blog roll

And I roll, and scroll

I'll be with you at least, until I am fake filled with happiness

Together we will be endless in this vast, vast world, wide web.

Until I go to sleep and dream of the world outside

The one I long to connect to.

But we forgot how that works in a city of facades, beautiful, blunt, big, and solitary people.

One with the world, wide web

All of us. 







Thursday, September 11, 2014

9/11 Is a Teenager (We Will Never Forget)

13 Years Later
As the memorial lights pierce the Manhattan sky in memory of. September 11, forever a dark day. We cried a thousand times, tears of unjust suffering here and elsewhere. The numbers 9+11 in combination, innocent no more. These numbers forever engraved our minds with horror. So we chant: united we stand.

Louder. Forever. You and I together.




















I also wanted to share a quote from "Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close". It is one of my all time favorite novels. 
(Don't read on if you haven't read the book, instead, read the book by Jonathan Safran Foer.) The ending is so powerful and genius. In it, the protagonist Oskar reverses the horrors of the imagery of "the jumpers" who jumped out of the twin towers windows, before the building collapsed. 

"I ripped the pages out of the book. I reversed the order, so the last was the first, and the first was the last. When I flipped through them, it looked like the man was floating up through the sky. And if I'd had more pictures, he would've flown through a window, back into the building, and the smoke would've poured into the hole that plane was about to come out of." 



Monday, January 13, 2014

Setting It Free





















I did not know where to go with it. 

I took it with me. Like an invisible string that was tied around my leg. I was dragging along, tangling up in everything I passed.

I did not know where to go with it.

I scrunched it up and swallowed it.
Pushed it up under my cheeks. 
Divided it into different spots of my forehead.
Hid it in the upper area of my eye sockets.
Deposited it into one side of my skull.
Placed it in front of my eyes like fog. 
Attached it to my muscles in my lower legs.
Let it flow up and down my arms, all the way to the finger tips. 
Glued it onto my bones in both feet.

I placed it in all of those places.
Now I am consciously letting it go, for it had served its purpose.

It slowed me down. 
Made me weak.
Had me cry.
Took my voice.
Tied me up.
Paralyzed  me.
Hid the light from me. 
Made me fall
Stole my heartbeat. 

Good bye sadness.
Farewell fear.
I do not need you to show me the world through your tinted glass anymore. 

I accept.
I agree.
I am setting myself free. 


  

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

The Day My Heart Got Ripped Out


I had these reoccurring dreams ever since I left:

Something happened to you, and I was not by your side to help. It represented my biggest fear. 


The day I got the call from you my heart got ripped out, this time I wasn't dreaming.

I could not be by your side. 

I could not hold your hand. 

I could not wipe away your tears. 

I could not be there for you in your darkest hours. 

I could not cheer you up with my silly stories. 

I could not give you strength from afar.


I felt like I had failed you as your daughter


Sunday, February 24, 2013

Love Me

Love me again,
pretend at least.
So I don't have to feel deprived.

Love me again.
Look at me please,
so I don't have to doubt again.

Love me again,
ignore my outbursts, they are only directed at myself.

Love me again,
like you did yesterday so full of passion, so boredom doesn't have to squeeze through the silent periods.

Love me again,
say these words again, so I don't have to think self-loathing thoughts.

Love me again,
come back to me so I don't have to run from myself once more.

Love me again,
turn around please, so I never have to feel alone again.

Come back to me even if it hurts,
for the pain of loss is greater.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Seek, Find, Release

Sometimes I consider myself lucky. It doesn't happen often because I am the melancholic type. I find sadness wherever I look and I like to bathe in that strong condition of consciousness. The negative seems to be more apparent to me, because it forces me to slow down. In contrast, the positive seems to pass me by. (Although I know it is just a matter of practice to be able to celebrate either end of the spectrum of feeling, I have always seemed to be able to be more reflective when I am not happy. And my plan to write – even when I am happy – is being implemented by me on a step-by-step basis.) 

So today, I felt like Christmas. Yes, I received material gifts, but they represented the genuine thought someone had for me. It lit up my heart. I decided to hold on to the warmth and continue to ride on it. It encouraged me to dig inside for something that had seemed to take my air for some time.

I recognized an emotion that I had tried to suppress, and by raising my awareness, I was able to release it. (And that was triggered by a meditation-like-experience caused by a good advice of a decent person.) There it was pouring out of me in pain. Holding on seemed easier, because I did not want to be pushed down or grant myself to have it, not realizing that that created more pressure and weight that had indeed dragged me down for a significant amount of time. Sending it out made me realize one thing: This was the first step to acceptance. And acceptance is what one needs to find peace. And peace is what we all long for. It is what I desire

And another day passes, and it seems like I will not have to battle inside for having sadness, but accept it, release, and let go



Saturday, August 6, 2011

Unleash'd Magazine

First Issue Out Now

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I have been interning at Unleash'd Magazine since July 2011. And ratatatam, the first issue is out now!
Unleash'd is a lifestyle magazine with focus in music and fashion. The August 2011 issue features interviews with musician J-Lie and skateboarder Stevie Williams, both written by me. Find out why J-Lie didn't want to become a soccer pro, although ranking number 14 in the nation, or why Stevie Williams finds it so important to teach young kids.

This is the first time I am published in English for a magazine that is available in print, so it is very exciting for me.

Please support, it's only $2.70 for the digital issue and $11.80 for both digital and print. Buy here: Unleash'd Magazine August 2011 Issue.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

E M - P A T H E T I C - M E

I tasted SOLITUDE
While listening to silence
It made me HAPPY.
I have seen SADNESS
It showed in deep lines around the mouth and eyes.
It is a reflection of perfectly organized rooms.
I feel emptiness in overcrowded spaces
Why do I feel the INVISIBLE that lies hiding inside the SOUL?

Have you ever seen THANKFULNESS
In small GESTURES by someone who loves you
It’s the type of LOVE that is overwhelming to me.
I have FELT for someone I didn’t know
Like it was me.
I can feel my STOMACH PINCHING with GUILT
For chasing happiness and LEAVING OTHERS BEHIND.
I monitor thoughts that eat me from within
Because I can never be allowed to VOICE them.

Have you ever SYMPATHIZED with empathy?
I decided to marry my INTUITION
To create a HOLY UNION between BODY and SOUL.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

My pet – a composition


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Is it true that pets really resemble their owners
? In other words, does a pet really reflect their owners' characteristics? What if your pet seems completely different from you, such as an aggressive dog whose owner is a calm, old lady -- the seemingly opposite -- can such a pet still reflect their owners' dispositions? I would say yes – even those kinds of pets resemble their owners' tendencies – I’ll explain later. First, I will tell you about my pet.

So this pet that I own is kind of strange; definitely not people's first choice of pets like house cats or dogs. Does it mean I am eccentric and weird even, I hope so. Am I really me, or just a made up character? I won’t tell.

Anyway, so it is a she, for the mere fact that I seem to identify with females. She likes cakes and chocolates but knows they are bad for her, so she eats salads and vegetables but no meat. That would be like eating your own kind, she says. She eats fairly regularly, except for when she gets lazy or too busy. Oh yes, she certainly has lazy tendencies.

Her fur is really soft. She would love to be purple or green, but of course like most pets, she is a kind of earth color, probably greyish-white. Her eyes are green-blueish. She has long legs and fairly small feet. But that’s ok, small feet are more attractive to mates -- she knows that.

I picture her being more of an observer. I know that because she is never direct. She despises drugs and mostly stays sober. But if she plans on partying, she parties hard. Probably until the next day. She has a handful of friends and knows a lot of people. I, her owner, love her loyalty. She would never, never sneak up on you from behind, if you are her friend; but, she would also never pretend she likes your smell if she does not.

A regular day looks like follows. She wakes up whenever she pleases, most likely when I am already gone for work. She goes into the kitchen, and she always does it in the same fashion, pretending like she is just strolling, when in reality she is on a mission--a mission to get food. Maybe she does not want anyone to steal her food, and if she acts like she is not interested in it, no one will ever discover that she is going for the grub. After breakfast, she leaves the house. She doesn't want me to I know, since pets are not supposed to leave the house, but I am well aware of her daily visits to Café Rouge. She spends hours there. Until shortly before I return home, she has chit-chats with the guests there.

When I come home, she demands food again. Sometimes, she flushes her pet food down the toilet when she has eaten at the Café, which she does not want me to know. I told you she is loyal – she knows my feelings would be hurt if I knew she ate somebody else's food. After dinner she lays down for a good two hour nap. When she wakes, she runs around for a good ten minutes, must be her exercise program. If she wants it, she comes over to cuddle afterward. If not, she just sits apathetically on the couch next to me.

Oh I love my bunny, an angora rabbit to be precise. Or was she a Chinchilla? Hm, not important.

Oh yes, and even aggressive pets resemble their seemingly opposite owner since aggression stems from insecurities. And I can see an old lady having a lot of them, can’t you?

Friday, September 10, 2010

Homage to... Women

Shout out to Rihanna and Ciara!


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Do I really have to explain why I am shouting out to these women? If you don't think so just go ahead, skip the text and watch these incredible videos! (Not without thanking directors Anthony Mandler - director Te Amo and Diane Marte - director(in) Ridin.) Btw, in German we add 'in to titles and job descriptions for females, so an extra shout out to a female director!

Women in leading positions are still rare, women do get paid less than men for the same kind of work. Because of that, I am extra proud of women that really accomplish things in life, are true to themselves, and project confidence. Those women can be women that are close to me like my mom, my sisters, or friends. Those women can also be women that I never even met. Michelle Obama is one of them, Madonna or Meryl Streep, too, to name a few.

Why? Women are confronted with body images on the daily. When walking through the city, watching TV or reading a magazine, women are portrayed with perfect features, which we all know are faked, thanks to photoshop. Women are expected to look perfect be a good wife, a great mother, an impeccable sister.

Women have it hard, but women in public have it extra hard. Imagine being watched and commented on all the time. Therefore, I wanted to shout out to Rihanna. We all know what her ex has done to her, the image of her bruised face went around the world. One can only imagine how humiliated she must have been. These things break woman but she went on and spoke out. Now, she is stronger and more successful than ever. Her latest music video "Te Amo" is a beautiful caption of the songs lyrics. Rihanna is a great performer and pairing her talent with supermodel Laetitia Casta makes an awesome piece of music video. Rihanna is just beautiful inside and out, and I hope she continues to be confident in herself - I have no doubt she will.

Another public figure I have always looked up to is Ciara. I can't get enough of her latest video "Ridin" feat. Ludacris. She is just beautiful and I can't believe how well she dances. It is so refreshing seeing a woman with that kind of confidence, when was the last time a female (hip hop) singer has wowed us like that? The video does portray her skills so well, and it shows her strength as well as love to music and dance.

Ciara and Rihanna truly are role models for young women today. They are successful, not only in a male dominated genre, but a male dominated world. You girls inspire all of us. You portray talent, interest, confidence and beauty.

Thank you Rihanna and Ciara,

Keep inspiring us!




Monday, December 14, 2009

Conversation of a Person Within Ones Mind on a Vicissitudinous day in Mid-August


Dolores (She) consists of 3 components:

Ego (das Ich), female;

Super Ego (das Über Ich), 50% male/50%female;

Id (das Es), mostly female



Ego tries to balance the Id and Super Ego;

Super Ego is the ultimate decision maker the moral component; tries to blame the Id for everything and often makes it believe it is nothing;

Id is impulsive, child-like, seeks for ultimate gratification at any given time, not considering any consequences at all.


TUESDAY


Dolores is on the phone with her boyfriend who happens to be 3738 miles away, which equals 6015 kilometers, and puts them literal 6 hours apart. They have been on the phone for precisely 1:12 hrs. No one has said much, she just happens to be so tired from a 12 hour day of work.


Id: (I need a hug. I want you to lie next to me.)

Super Ego: (What the fuck. I don’t wanna talk right now. I’m tired. What am I supposed to tell you what you don’t already know. I can’t handle this situation anymore.)

Ego: (I wish I would have the right words to say, but I don’t. Why are you so far way. I miss you. I’m so fucking stupid. Why am I so frustrated?)

She: (says nothing, absolutely nothing)


Super Ego: (Man, I’m fucking tired and I just want to go to sleep.)

Id: (I think it is better if I get some rest now.)

Ego: (I want a cigarette right now.)

She: I think I am going to sleep now.


He: Ok, good night.


She: Night.


He: Love you.


She: Love you too. Bye.


He: Bye bye.


Super Ego: (What a stupid, nonsense, non-gratifying, non-conversation again. You are always failing at expressing your real feelings.)

Id: (I’m a failure.)


She turns off her bed light at exactly 2:56 to be woken up by her alarm at 9 am. Exact 30 minutes early so she can hit the snooze button three times. Even then, she is an hour early. But she needs some extra time in the morning for her coffee and breakfast that usually consists of two pieces of toasted bread, and of course some coffee (usually one or two cups). The coffee is also good to make her use the bathroom before she leaves the house.


WEDNESDAY


10:20 am

Dolores wakes up and turns on her computer. As always, her computer it is being slow, which means from the minute she turns it on, to it being ready to operate can well take 20 to 30 minutes, making it an ordeal to even use it at all. She just sits there, stares at the screen and slurps her hot coffee.


She: (sits in front of her computer waiting for it to boot).

Id: (I want a new computer, one that works.)

Super Ego: (Fucking piece of shit.)


10:30 am

Her phone beeps. A message from her boyfriend telling her good night.


Super Ego: (If I would call him right now, he would understand what it feels like to be called right before going to sleep after a hard day of work, expecting a deep conversation.)

Ego: (I should wish him a good night.)

Super Ego: (And tell him how it felt like for you last night when he called you, and you were so tired, asking you all the superficial questions.)


She writes him a text wishing him a good night, telling him that he should think about what it would be like for him if she called him now, and tried to have a conversation minutes before he goes to sleep.


Id: (I’m hungry).


She gets up to roast one piece of bread. Spreads marmalade on it and returns to the desk to check her emails. She discovers a response to her job application.


Super Ego: (I know what this response is gonna say. It’s a letter of refusal.)

Id: (Open it... Open it!!!!)

Ego: (I hope this is a positive response.)


She opens the email and as it turns out that she got declined once again.


Super Ego: (I knew it. No one is gonna accept you without one. You don’t even have to apply anymore, it’s not gonna work out.)

Id: (I lost my appetite. I want to call someone.)

Super Ego: (You can’t call anyone. What is that gonna do for you.)

Ego: (A response is a response. It is worth a lot that they actually did reply. That means that they were interested in you.)

Super Ego: (No, they were just being decent and friendly. It means nothing)


Dolores ends up not calling anyone to maybe obtain some emotional support. Tears roll down her cheeks. And while her mind still deliberates over whether she is an idiot-a no one or not, she goes to work, greets her boss friendly while thinking ‘he is an idiot’, smiles at him while feeling like shit, puts on her uniform and lights the first cigarette of the day. Her life goes on, her day continues with rain and sun alternating each other by the minute, a conclusion is not found at the moment, and although she struggles with her inner demons and needs are not being fulfilled at that time, she will believe in the temporariness of the moment, look at it as a phase and not give up. Who knows, she might end up with the job of her dreams, a person who deserves her by her side, which is when her inner mind will finally feel gratified again.


I ♥ New York



City of Facades
Why do you put on a front
Show me your real face
New places new faces everyday
What do you stand for
What do you long for

City of facades
You are packed with false dreams
Of made up realities
Plastered with ads by the agencies
All to depict one dream

City of facades you are so fake
Make us imitate what others create

City of facades
Packed and crowded
Pidgins shouting
The lost
And lonely
Acting like a family
You confuse jealousy
With insecurity

City of Facades
I want to own you
I want to know you
I want to hear you
I want to love you

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Caterpillar and Bird

Two Friends Learning How to Fly

A long time ago, there was a young bird couple living in a beautiful nest on a chestnut tee. The couple was in love and ready to have children. So they decided to build a bigger nest on a taller tree, to have space for the two babies to come. As young mother bird sat on top off the eggs, papa bird would leave to collect material for the new nest.

On an autumn day, the wind was howling and shaking around the twigs and branches making mama bird clinch her wings around the eggs. Mother bird had gotten worried when papa bird had wanted to leave for his daily quest. She had asked him to stay and told him it might be too dangerous that day. But papa bird was stubborn because he knew of the importance of finishing their new home. It was the night the baby birds were supposed to hatch. He told mother bird not to worry, and said he would be back before nightfall to pick up her and the eggs, so the babies could hatch comfortably. As soon as papa bird left, the wind had gotten more aggressive, and rain started pouring down the leaves leaving mother bird trembling and wet. Mother nature didn't mean well that day, and soon the storm came closer, and developed into a thunderstorm right above them. Right as she was trying to tell herself everything was going to be ok, lightning struck the tree she was on. The owl said they all died that night...

But that wasn’t the case for all of them. One of the baby birds survived. He had hatched on the floor, and lived in that very spot for sometime. Until one day a caterpillar crossed his way. Caterpillar asked bird to come join him on his journey. Bird was happy to have found a friend, and together they were striving through the forest. They helped each other find food, and kept each other warm on cold, cold nights. They told each other stories when the moon was covered by the clouds so they didn’t have to be scared of the darkness.

One day, after a day of wandering through the woods, bird had gotten tired, and asked caterpillar to rest and build their camp for the night. Caterpillar was way ahead of bird. He turned around at birds request, and noticed something in bird’s eyes he had never seen before. He knew something wasn’t right. Bird told him, that he didn’t want to have to hide anymore, and that living on the ground had taken a toll on him, because of the dangers they would find themselves in every night. He told caterpillar, that it would be better for them to look for something more permanent. Something high up in the trees possibly, so that they wouldn’t have to be worried about being eaten by the other animals that also lived in the forest. Caterpillar hesitated, because he took a liking on the exciting life style they have had. He liked the thrill of the night, making him proud that they could survive on the ground. However, he was tired himself and asked bird to follow him up the oak tree that was right ahead of them.

And there they were, enjoying the feeling of comfort living high up in the oak tree giving them the feeling of a new found home. On days caterpillar was tired, bird went down to bring up some food. Other days, bird was tired or just feeling like being lazy, and caterpillar did the same. On their search for food, they would always pass the owl, and casually talk to her.

Although, nothing seemed different that spring day, and it was a nice was a sunny day indeed, caterpillar was bothered by something. He told bird he would go out to find some food. And so he left thinking of what it could be that was bothering him. The owl could tell that caterpillar was in deep thoughts, and asked him what was going on. Caterpillar wasn’t sure, but said that he missed the exciting life on the ground, but also enjoyed life on the tree. He said he was getting too comfortable, and in a way he felt like he had gotten dependent on his friend bird. Owl responded that the dependency he was feeling did not have to be negative, and that he just needed to find a balance. But caterpillar didn’t know how to. Owl explained that it was important to do some things on one’s own sometimes, and that once they would do that, they could enjoy the comfort of their home even more. It is not bad to feel safe, owl added.

When caterpillar returned, he had a strange feeling accompanying him. He asked bird why he never tried to fly. Bird said he didn’t know how to, and also didn’t see the need for it. But caterpillar told him, that he thought it was important to try new things, and do them on their own. Bird didn’t understand why, and asked caterpillar instead, why he had not turned into a butterfly yet. Caterpillar said he didn’t know how to.

The next day, caterpillar woke up very early. He had trouble getting a good night rest, and told bird he was going to find some food again, although it had been bird’s turn that day. Bird was ok with letting him go, and enjoyed the day in the tree. Caterpillar was almost at the bottom, when he shouted up, that bird should practice flying in the meantime. But bird didn’t feel like it, and was lying on his back, staring into the clouds turning them into pictures of things he liked. He had a good day doing that, and when caterpillar returned, he just wanted to tell him what kind of shapes he had seen in the clouds. Caterpillar wasn’t really listening, but only felt disappointment for the fact that bird had refused to practice what he had told him to.

Weeks had passed, and their friendship started crumbling. They barely talked, and caterpillar turned into the provider who brought food every day. One day, he was so tired and mad at the fact that he was doing all the work that he yelled at bird, saying that he should have learnt how to fly. Bird said that he would, but he was just not ready yet. That angered caterpillar even more, and he turned around in such a rough manner, that his turn had hit bird on his back and almost pushed him off the tree. Bird was able to hold on to a branch with one wing, screaming for help. But caterpillar felt paralyzed. Unable to move, bird slipped and fell down to the ground, but right as he was about to hit, his wings stared flapping, and he could hold himself up a few seconds to catch his fall.

When he landed, and his first landing was rough, he looked up the tree. Caterpillar was still not moving, and because he was upset that caterpillar made him fall, he decided to leave him. Every day, from that day on he was flying. At first a few feet, then some yards and later on he was able to fly around all day. He had thought about caterpillars words, and wished he would have started flying earlier. He felt very comfortable in the air, and was able to move from tree to tree. Every tree he rested at was different, and he enjoyed the freshness of finding new places to go to every day.

Caterpillar had waited for birds return, but one day realized that it was not going to happen. He did not want to be reminiscent of his old friend, and the tree was a constant reminder of his loneliness. Driven by his voracious appetite, he walked and walked so far, eating everything he had found on his way. Until he had to slow down, because he had felt so full, that he became incapable of moving. Not knowing how many days he went along like that, he fell asleep. When he woke up the next day, his life had changed. He had finally turned into a butterfly, and just like bird, his first tries flying were clumsy, but soon he became stable and able to fly around like he had never done anything else.

He flew back to the oak tree he used to live in with bird. As he got to the top, he noticed a flower on the ground. Bird had liked flowers, and the view reminded him of his friend. With the memory of his old friend coming back, the feeling of guilt for the night their ways had parted, came up with it. Butterfly felt the need to escape, and started flying, with no sense of direction. Hey, shouted someone in the tree. It was owl. They had a chat, and butterfly told him how guilty he had felt about what had happened, and complained about how lonely he felt without bird. Owl had told him, that the dependency caterpillar had once complained about was not a dependency, but the need for a friend. Owl had told him to look for his old friend. But caterpillar was doubtful and did not know how bird could forgive him. Just ask for forgiveness, you are a butterfly now, and you have learnt from the past, responded owl.

A year later, owl had noticed two objects in the air. They were floating with such lightness that he was wondering what kind of birds they were. As the objects came closer, he realized it was butterfly and bird. They had found each other again. Hello, shouted owl. Butterfly and bird greeted friendly, and told owl about their new adventurous life. Yes, we like moving from place to place, and it is allot easier to do that in the air, said butterfly. There are too many risks on the ground added bird, and they both left happy to have found each other again. This time we will never part they said and left...

The owl said that one may never force someone to do something. He also said that one may never take a friendship for granted. And so, owl still lives in the same tree, waiting for friends to ask for advice...

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Erasing Memory

A young couple, both in their early twenties, are struggling through adolescence for several reasons:
It's the years after college--reality hits;
they are chasing their dreams (but they have them, and that's the most important).
They are searching for their identities (as everyone does around that age, no one is really sure of who they are).
They have been in a relationship since their teens, and although they believe in true love, and in the fact that they can be together for the rest of their lives, they are getting sidetracked, leading them to feel unsure after a couple of years (but thats usually what people go through, they need to reconfirm that what they are doing and investing in is still right)... The author actually believes that people loose sight of what they already know by influences they cannot control, say friends, financial issues, or problems with the current job. But what the author thinks is minor, the characters are more significant.




So it is around that time of instability and doubts when he goes to a party. She often prefers to be home to read, rest, think, or write. She feels that when she goes out drinking, she wastes a whole day (which would be the day after when she feels hungover). Don't get her wrong, she likes to go out, but just not as frequently as her significant other. He, on the other hand needs to go out to let loose and forget about the stress of his day. He is a hard worker, and even when he goes out he often considers it networking events (but usually it is just getting together to party). So it is Friday, and on Fridays he goes out (on Saturdays and Wednesdays, too), that's just the way it's been lately. And all throughout his teens. He is a very social person, whereas she can be introverted. However, both meet in the middle and feed off of their current moods. Sometimes, when she would usually stay home, she decides to go out with him, and when he wants to go out he decides to stay in to enjoy some time with her. It works, that's how they create a kind of balance. Anyway, around that time, it wasn't much of a balance, and he goes to this party.

He drinks too much.
He meets an unimposing blond.
She is just there, and happens to offer herself to him.
He is amazed of that simpleness and does not really think about it. He has always been a rebel. At that point he just wants to see how far he could go. He didn't really think.
There it happened.
Poor blond plays innocent.
He takes her home and ends up in bed with her.

She finds out and a world falls apart. Everything she has believed in becomes invalid; at least that's what she feels at the moment.

She bursts into tears, needlessly to describe her voice when she says the following words, "You destroyed our innocence." Her words sounded so painful, that the neighbor above who witnessed her yelling almost felt bad (without knowing what is going on). After those words she falls down to the floor.

There they are. Situated on the floor, crawled up into a ball off two people, crying together. He is holding her, although she doesn't want him to. It feels like they have left their bodies for a moment and are watching themselves from the kitchen ceiling. Everything they do then is so cliche that it does feel like they are in a bad movie. A movie she never agreed to play a part in she later says.

Now, a couple either separates or moves on. Why did they want to move on? Because they felt like what they had was more than one stupid mistake. They want to survive, but moving on isn't as easy as they thought, the mistake seems to have a greater impact on them, and more influence then they would like to admit.

Sometimes things are easier said than done, and after a year of trying, the topic still comes up in certain situations, or even randomly makes its way up to the surface. The point is reached where they become unsure of their original decision--trying to overcome the bad.

It is a day like that when she walks around in the city. Christmas is coming up, and all the lights and decorations everywhere remind her of her childhood. Back when life was so innocent, she thought. Her walk is slow, and she is not really going anywhere in specific, she just needed some air, is what she told him. She is caught up in her thoughts and doesn't see the guy approaching her with full speed on a bike. When he is right beside her, she feels a jerk on her arm and realizes that bastard snatched her purse. She turns around, but he is gone. "Help" was all she could stumble out, and there she is running into the direction of where the thieve left. She wasn't prepared for such calamity. But after a couple of minutes of running as fast as her legs can carry her, she gives up. She breathes heavily; her thorax is moving up and down quickly. She turns down her head and lets her shoulders fall to catch her breath. She is devastated, when her sad eyes glimpse something interesting on the floor. She picks up a flyer.

Back home she explains her finding.
"It says there is a medical scientist in the city who experiments with erasing memory."
He thinks she is crazy. "Yes, experimenting is not knowing. What if it is dangerous?"
"It might be, but I am willing to take the risk." They keep on discussing and come to an agreement.

It is a beautiful day. Must have been about two months later. Their last night together was just as nice as the sun rays embracing their walk. They loved each other in a way they have never done before, on the verge of maybe not being able to see each other again, love can be so passionate. They are walking to the secret location of this doctor. It is a secret location because they are the first ones to do it, and they do not want the press to be all over them in case something goes wrong.

There they are, laying on the comfortable bed, similar to hospital beds. The room is completely white. But for the procedure the light is being turned off, and the room is being darkened. All they have now is their touch. They are holding each other's hand, and not knowing that they really are facing each other, because it is so dark, their faces are turned to each other. That's when they kiss; it's an intense kiss accompanied by these last words: "If we really are meant for each other, we will find each other again".

Off they go into deep hypnosis, or something thats comparable to it. And when they wake up from it, they will be in separate rooms, with a note in their hands telling them where they work, and what their names are, and that's all about that will be left. They will not know that they have once known each other. The future will tell whatever happens after that. No, this is not the story of Romeo and Juliet, is what the author thinks, it is a modern love story, but the authors thoughts are still very insignificant...

Saturday, February 28, 2009

Should I write from left to right
or from right to left?
I wanna be free with no obligations 
to call anyone
to go anywhere
find out
explore
breath in and out
clear the disc 
reformat thoughts 
writer's block
clogged thoughts
I wanna cuzz
I wanna cry
I wanna laugh
I wanna run 
away 
towards
close 
END


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